Time Is Running Out

Chloe recently went to the doctor and emailed me to say not to worry, but there is some softening and dilation.  So click below!  Plus, this vote is an easier decision to make than who to vote for in the Republican primary.  ;-)

Baby Shower #1

I haven't written in weeks.  I started writing two or three other posts and just didn't feel like they were right.  One was about the fact that nothing was happening but I decided that it was too boring to post.  One was a rant about the cost of living these days and how sad it is that two professionals can barely make ends meet but I decided that was too angry and preachy to post.  So I decided to just not post.

I still don't have too much to say, but in this case "no news is good news" really holds true.  The pregnancy has still been going well.  The kiddies are kicking a lot and not letting Chloe sleep soundly.  She's a little tired at the end of the day, but except for that everything seems fine. 

This weekend was the first baby shower which was thrown by my Chicago friends.  The weekend kind of started on Wednesday when my parents arrived from out of town.  Chloe said it was OK for my parents to come to the doctor's appointment and ultrasound.  My dad, who was a doctor before he retired, had seen ultrasounds before.  My mom decided to come in and watch the ultrasound.  We got great news.  Baby A's head is actually down like the doctor had suspected during last week's appointment and at 33 weeks the baby's position probably will not change.  So hopefully we will avoid the dreaded C-word most pregnant women don't want to hear.  We also got to see Baby A and Baby B open and close their mouths.  It was adorable.

On Friday afternoon we decided to open the presents that had been sent to our house.  We got books, blankets, clothes, the car seats and more.  A very generous high school friend of mine (who spent waaaaaay too much and I need to make an shrine to her in the babies' room) sent us several things including the diaper genie, refill bags for the genie and a cute Baby Einstein toy.  We got a baby monitor thanks to Aunt A, Uncle A and our nephews.  Uncle M sent us several things like bath towels and the most adorable plush rocking horse that sings.

Sunday was the big day and my friends (Bethany, Nannette, Alli, Ali, and Jon with the help of Jeff, Abby, my parents, Derek's mom and Jacki and Shelly) threw Derek and me an amazing shower.  So many friends showed up that we needed more chairs than we could find.  If the saying "It takes a village to raise a child" is true I'll be OK because I saw all the support I have from my friends and family.  We got so many wonderful and generous gifts including a Baby Magic Bullet, decals for the walls, bottles, books, blankets, clothes, a boppy and boppy cover, a baby sling and more.  We had the cutest cake and I will hopefully get pictures up soon so you can see it. 

Chloe did come to shower and I want to say thanks to all of the surrogates and IPs who encouraged me to invite her.  It was so nice to have her meet my family and friends.  Chloe brought Derek and me a beautiful gift.  It was a photo frame with three pictures: one was a Baby A ultrasound picture, one was a Baby B ultrasound picture and one was a belly picture.  She also likes to crotchet and made two adorable hats for the baby.  We can't wait for the babies to wear them. 

My hosting friends also made two books.  The first book was for Chloe.  They asked people to bring thank you notes for Chloe.  I didn't get to see the letters because they were personal, but from time to time during the party I saw Chloe flipping through the book and smiling.  I'm sure the letters were wonderful becuase I have friends who are wonderful.

Derek and I also got a scrapbook where everyone could write in parenting tips.  We got advice on feeding, songs, books, play time, nap time, cleaning, rules, equipment and more.  It's nice to have a book of tips to turn to from people we love and trust.  If you have more ideas let me know.  I'll print out the suggestions and put them in the book.

It was a fun weekend and it made me even more excited to meet these two, cute, little babies.  Next weekend we're off to Iowa to do this all over again with a bunch of Derek's friends.

How Car Seats and Poop Affect Me

There isn't much to report and yet I feel like I have so much going on.  I guess I should say that there isn't much going on that is newsworthy.

I called the hospital and took care of some more paperwork.  I have a very nice contact there who has been extremely helpful to the point that I want to find her boss to praise her.  I called a pediatrician's office so that we can have a pediatrician check on the kids when they are born because the pediatrician we picked doesn't have privileges at the hospital where they will be delivered.  I got more money sent off to my escrow account.  Chloe did her gestational diabetes test and it turned out to be negative so that was good news for her and the babies.  I picked up some more hours at work so hopefully I'll make my 1,250 hours and qualify for FMLA.  The registries are set although Derek and I still have to pick cribs and mattresses. 

According to Jewish tradition we're not suppposed to have anything in the house until the babies are born.  A few thousand years ago when people made their own clothing and only breastfed that might have worked fine.  Nowadays I need my binkies, boppies, bottles and blankies the first day the babies come home.  I have been resistant to having too much in the house but at 30 weeks it is time to prepare.

My wonderful cousin, Wendy, bought us the car seats from the registry.  They arrived yesterday and it was exciting and a little scary to bring them into the house.  Yes, we have a couple of other Target packages that were sent to our home, but there's nothing identifying them as having baby stuff.  The car seats are clearly marked.

This may seem melodramatic, but it was kind of a big deal for me.  It was one more moment (a big moment) that makes being a father seem a little more real to me.  There are moments when it still doesn't seem real, but seeing proof every day will help me know that my dream is coming true.

Tomorrow I'm taking my first parenting class.  My friend learned about the different kinds of poop when she took her class.  Poop is my kryptonite.  At work I'll see a festering wound or watch blood spurting out of body parts without batting an eye, but poop makes me want to run out of the room.  I've built up some tolerance since adopting cats.  I have built up more tolerance since moving in with Derek.  No...don't go there; it's not what you think.  Derek has a cat who doesn't cover his rather smelly poops.  I'm sure, though, nothing will prepare me for the first "poo-nami" or "lolla-poop-looza."  I did just take a baby poop test at http://www.babyzone.com/baby/care/diapers-digestion/quiz/baby-poop-iq and got a 26 our of 33 so it says I'm a pro when it comes to poop. 

On a lighter note, it looks like most people think that I'm having a boy and a girl.  We have a few weeks left to guess.  And, if you're up for guessing some specifics, guess their birth weight, length, and date at ExpectNet.com.  The link is on the right side of my blog.  I just changed my vote.  Keep in mind the babies were a lot heavier than average babies at the last ultrasound, they have leg bones that were measured around the 90th percentile and they will be here one way or another by about 38-ish weeks which is March 28th although my OB is on call that weekend so it could be pushed to a few days later.

The Good, The Bad, And The Lovely

The Good News

I went to another appointment on Wednesday with my surrogate and got another ultrasound.  We had Jocelyn who is the technician who prints a million pictures for us -- OK, not a million, but 26.  The babies are growing.  Remember way back when Chloe's uncle used to put his hand on her stomach and say, "Grooooooooow baby"?  Well, it worked.  The babies, according to the fruit tracker, should be the size of a cabbage and two and a half pounds.  They are 3lbs 13oz and 3lbs 14oz.  Yikes!  They're in the 83rd and 84th percentile.  They have plenty of fluid and the low-lying placenta has moved up enough that it is now not an issue.  The only problem is that Baby A has decided to go butt first again.  Hopefully he/she will go head down at the next ultrasound.  We still have about 5 more weeks of twisting and turning to try to avoid a c-section.

The Bad News

I went to H.R. a couple days ago to file for FMLA for when the babies come.  I want my paternity leave and my boss was bugging me to go do the paperwork.  I explained to H.R. that I wanted to take several weeks off and asked what I had to do.  The woman who runs that program checked my hours and said I was probably ineligible.

Excu-sa-wha-huh-come-again???

Yep...that's right.  I work part-time for a hospital.  I work 20 hours a week which comes out to 1,040 hours a year.  In order to qualify for FMLA I have to work at least 1,250 hours in the 12 months preceding my leave.  As luck would have it I am very, very, very close to 1,250 hours because I grab every bit of overtime I can possibly get.  But my broke hospital is clamping down on any overtime so I probably won't be able to get FMLA.

What does that mean?  It means that I can take all my PTO at once IF my supervisor approves many weeks off all at once or I can take Personal Leave of up to 90 days IF my supervisor approves that.  However, neither one of those provides me with job protection and with the money situation I'm hoping my paternity leave doesn't make for a good excuse to make it a permanent leave. 

Gotta love our amazing Congress for making such "family friendly" laws.  Apparently parents who work less than 24 hours a week don't need time off to care for their children.

The Lovely News

Oh, and the other piece of news is that I asked Chloe if she wanted to attend the baby shower and she immediately said yes.  Maybe I'm over-analyzing it, but she seemed excited to come so thanks to everyone who told me that I should invite her.  My lovely friends who are hosting the shower are planning on giving her a book full of thank you notes and one friend mentioned making a basket full of things to pamper her.  I think it will be nice to have her there.

The Grandmothers To Be

Last week the real machatunim met.  Yes, it's true my previous posting used the word machatunim wrong.  There really is no Yiddish word for the mother of the surrogate carrying your baby.  Guess the Yiddish language couldn't keep up with the changin' times.  The machatunim is really the relationship between the parents of the two children who are in the relationship.

The last night we were all together we went out to dinner.  There were seven of us and we were sitting at a long table.  My mother and Derek's mother were at one end across from each other.  I was having my own conversation so I only heard bits and pieces of their conversation, but I loved what I heard.

I know they were talking about having to explain their sons' situation to their friends.  It's something I hadn't thought about too much, but I get that explaining that their gay son is in a relationship with another man and they're asking a stranger to donate eggs and another stranger to carry their babies isn't always the easiest topic to bring up to people in their 60s, 70s or 80s.  Of course they're thrilled to be grandmothers, but at the same time there is a "coming out" process for them too and their joy in telling people becomes more apparent every day.

They talked about how wrong it is for anyone to judge them or their sons.  They have announced to the world that they will be grandmothers.  They are proud of what their children are doing.  (Yes, Mom, I was eavesdropping a little.)

In a world where some families hide, don't talk about, don't talk to, or punish their children for being gay, it's nice to know that we have some pretty awesome mothers -- and fathers too. 

To Invite Or Not To Invite, That Is the Question

I recently read an article asking if the constitution still mattered.  The writer wondered what the constitution would say about Libya, the debt ceiling, Obamacare and immigration.  The gist of the article, if I remember correctly, was that the founding fathers could never predict that we would have fights about universal health care and whether or not to build a huge fence to protect our borders.  In 1787 when the constitution was written (thank you Schoolhouse Rock for teaching me that) issues that we face today were not on anyone's radar.

Well, now I face an issue Miss Manners could never have imagined in her wildest dreams.  As the baby shower approaches, Derek and I wonder if the surrogate should be invited or not.  Is it nice to include her because she is a major part of this process?  Is it hard for a surrogate to see all the baby clothes and toys knowing that she won't get to dress them and play with them?  What would Ann Landers say?  Our friends are planning on making some sort of sentimental gift for Chloe regardless of whether or not she comes.  They're thinking of some sort of collection of letters telling them how grateful they are for what she is doing for Derek and me.  Is that a good idea?

Since a lot of surrogates and IPs read my blog, I'm wondering if anyone has any thoughts, advice, experience with this?  Of course every IP-surrogate relationship is different so we'll have to make a final decision on our own, but I could use a little advice from my online family. 

First a Liebster, Then a Tony, Then an Oscar!

When I was 14 years old I went to a theater camp. (There's a documentary called "Stagedoor" about that camp but even better is a movie called "Camp" loosely based on the real camp.) At the end of every session there was a fake Tony award for best actor, actress, cast, etc. I am proud to say I won Best Ensemble Member in a Musical (Pippin 1990), Best Featured Actor in a Musical (Annie, 1991) and Best Lead Actor in a Musical (Once Upon a Mattress, 1991).  However, those plastic, gold colored "Tony" awards mean nothing compared to the Liebster awards I just won.

I'm now one-fifth of my way to my LEGOT.  For those of you who don't get the reference, a few seasons ago on 30 Rock an actor was trying to win an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and Tony award.  Well, I'll do even better by getting those AND a Liebster.   

Thank you so much to Jeni from Love Makes a Family and the lovely ladies at Life on Prescott Street for the award. Jeni will definitely get a role in my musical and I am happy to give the Prescott Street ladies all the advice they're willing to take when they are blessed with their own, precious bellyfish.

The Liebster Blog Award is an award for bloggers with less than 200 followers who deserve more recognition.

Liebster is a German word that means ‘dearest’ or ‘beloved’, but can also mean ‘favorite’. The idea of the award is to bring attention to blogs with less than 200 followers.

The Award comes with a few rules. You’re supposed to:
§ Show your thanks to the blogger who gave you the award by linking back to them
§ Reveal your top 5 picks for the award and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog
§ Post the award on your blog
§ Bask in the love from the most supportive people in the blogosphere – other bloggers
§ Hope your recipients pass the award to their 5 favorite blogs to keep the love flowing

I don't like that I only get five recipients.  I'm a very indecisive person and I don't like the idea of singling out only five blogs from the amazing people I've been following online for the past year.  But rules are rules so I will comply.  Besides, I think most of the surrogates and IPs' blogs I wanted to mention have already won Liebster awards, so here are some a few non-baby-makin' blogs.

Drum Roll Please...

And the Liebster Award goes to...

1. Since I was inspired to start writing because of the whole Julie & Julia thing, I want to share the modern day version of it.  Carly isn't cooking an entire book of recipes.  Who has time for that with a job and a baby???  But she is sampling every single-serving frozen meal out there.  She hasn't posted in a while, but maybe this award will make her realize she has fans waiting for the next entry.  Check her out at A Girl's Gotta Eat.

2. If frozen meals aren't your style and you want to cook for yourself, you should check out The Amazing Shrinking Actor.  Chase has lost almost 150 lbs. to date and he provides some great advice on weight loss and sometimes a couple tasty recipes too.  Give him some support and you'll get support in return.

3. As a former actor who did two years of touring shows I know how great it can be to see the entire country.  If you don't have 9 free months and a few thousand dollars to see it on your own, follow the adventures of a super actress/interpreter at New Adventures and see what she discovers.

4. I couldn't resist adding a couple of surrogacy blogs and I don't think this blog has won a Liebster yet.  There is one particular entry that really touched me and this link goes directly to that day.  Chelle is so passionate about having a successful pregnancy for her IF and you can see it in her blog 4 St@r Womb.  She's starting another cycle very, very soon so let's all keep her in our thoughts as the day approaches. 

5. The last award goes to a blogger who is dear to my heart, Tiffany - otherwise known as Michaela in the "Michael and Michaela" movie/musical/mini-series.  This particular entry from No Womb At the Inn shows how our lives became connected for the third time.  Tiffany and I started our journeys around the same time, found strength in each other, cried together when things didn't work, yelled together when we we angry at the world, laughed together at the craziness we endured, and now we can celebrate our successes together as two families.  Her story has ended, but it's worth reading again and again.