Things That Are More Fun For Straight People

I was just chatting with a friend on IM. He asked what I was doing and I told him I was reviewing a contract so I could have a baby. It then dawned on me that I think I'm totally getting the short end of the stick here. I decided I should do a comparison about my process of having a baby and the process for straight people to see who has the right to complain more. Here goes...

1. Straight people get to have an intimate, exciting discussion about when they should start trying for a baby. I get to review 40 pages of contracts and hire a lawyer.

Straight: 1 Gay: 0

2. Straight people have to time out when they can try for a baby. My women take medication that makes their bodies fit the schedule of the doctor so we know when the baby will be born.

Straight: 1 Gay: 1

3. Straight people are stuck with the qualities of their partner. I get to choose between a woman who is getting her PhD and speaks several languages, a woman going to medical school who qualified for the Olympic trials and a woman who has her masters degree in an interesting field and is cool with her eggs going to gay parents.

Straight: 1 Gay: 2

4. Straight people can try again in a month if there is no pregnancy. I have to wait several months for the meds to prepare a uterus.

Straight: 2 Gay: 2

5. Straight people have a lot of fun while trying to make a baby. I get to pay a couple thousand dollars every time I try.

Straight: 3 Gay: 2

6. Straight people don't get to see their baby until the baby is at least six weeks old when they go in for the ultrasound. I get to see my embryos at five days old.

Straight: 3 Gay: 3

7. Straight people can accidentally get pregnant when they don't want a child. I can't.

Straight: 3 Gay: 4

8. Straight people can only guilt their child by saying "Mom was in labor with you for 36 hours." I can guilt my child by saying "Making you cost me thousands of dollars and years of my life!!!"

Straight: 3 Gay: 5

9. Straight people may have an interesting story about trying for a year or two to have their perfect child. My interesting story involves a documentary film, porn, and a black woman giving birth to a white child.

Straight: 3 Gay: 6

10. Straight people get stretch marks. I won't lose my figure after the baby is born.

Straight: 3 Gay: 7

Hmmmm...I guess being a gay dad isn't quite so bad.