I Need an Interpreter

One thing that you should know about me before you read this posting is that I am an interpreter. I spend my days running around the city interpreting anything and everything you could imagine. Seriously, you imagine it, I've probably been asked to do it or I've actually done it. I have interpreted high school and college classes in every subject imaginable, training for people who do taxes, 12-step recovery program meetings, discussions on transubstantiation and world religions, traffic court and mediation meetings, psychological assessments, and even a couple classes in Spanish even though I'm not a Spanish interpreter. Very little phases me any more. Doctors, lawyers, accountants, psychologists, rabbis and anyone else can throw out terminology and I've probably heard it or can deduce the meaning and provide an accurate interpretation.

Then I went shopping for baby strollers and car seats. I needed an interpreter. Here's what happened...

On my stroll through the city to run some errands and head to work I passed a couple of baby stores. I went in one because I wanted to see if they had that bed that grows with your baby I've heard about. Sure enough they did. Well, the saleslady told me that ordering a crib can take 10-12 weeks. I was taken aback by that since the babies are probably coming in about 15 weeks. Maybe I was in a state of shock and that's why my brain wasn't working when I went into the next store to discuss car seats and strollers.

The salesgirl at that store talked so fast my brain couldn't keep up. There was one sentence that was all gibberish to me. All I remember was hearing something that sounded like

You can use an InfantRoundaboutBSafeConvertibleAdvocateMarathon
CombinationBoosterClickAndSafeHarness and put it in your GracoTrekkoMountainBuggyDuoGliderWheelCityMiniTandemSportSnapAndGoBritaxDoubleWideDeluxeSwivelSideBySideBugaboo in silver, blue, onyx, paisley, cavalier, gray, navy, cardinal, crimson, red or cowmooflage."

Really? Cardinal, crimson AND red??? Do babies even care? (I know...it's the parents who care.) And just what the heck is cowmooflage? You know designers spent years coming up with just the right Holstein cow pattern worthy of being called cowmooflage.

Oh...and it's only $600 if you don't want any of the attachments.

Years ago, before we had all these laws and choices, kids were rolled through town in a wheelbarrow or rode on the back of a mule or were strapped to the back seat of a car with duct tape? (Kidding!)

Luckily my friend with twins (who is an interpreter) invited me over to her house to meet her kids and talk about parenting twins. She helped explain the stoller and crib situation. Whew. Hopefully I won't have another breakdown until I try to put together the crib or install the car seat. I've heard you need a degree in rocket science to do those.