I'm at a loss for words

As we get closer and closer to the egg retrieval I keep thinking I should sit down and write my letter to the egg donor. I'm so excited to express myself to her, but at the same time what can you say to a stranger who is doing something so miraculous as this?!?!? It's hard to start knowing I want to include everything about myself because it may be the only contact we have. I asked the egg donor agency what the egg donor knows about me. They said that she was probably told some general reasons why I picked her but she may or may not know about me being single. The big question is whether or not to tell her I'm gay. I hope that she is happy to know that her eggs are going to a Jewish interpreter. Considering she is Jewish and getting her PhD in linguistics I'm thinking she'll be happy with that. And while most educated people and most secular Jews are not ridiculously homophobic, I do wonder if she would regret donating to help a gay man become a father. Considering the amazing support I have received middle-aged Republican co-workers and grandmothers and manly sports fanatics I highly doubt that she'll have an issue. Nowadays gay parents are becoming more and more common and people have less and less of an issue with it. So I'm pretty sure I'll tell her. I'm not the type of person to hide who I am so why start now.

I was also at a loss for words last night when my interpreting partner bought me a baby gift. I know my mom had bought a gift for the baby a little while ago. She has it in New York. This co-worker's gift was the first one I actually saw and held in my hands. It made it all a little more real. Now that I have contract due dates (in July) and egg retrieval dates (in August) and those dates are coming faster and faster things are becoming more real to me. The fear, the joy, the doubt, and the excitement are all becoming more intense.

Now I'm off to read my 39 page contract with my surrogate. Yep...39 pages. It even includes a two page table of contents. Should i be signing a document so big that it has a table of contents??? I can't decide if 39 pages longer or shorter than I expected. But I definitely know that we won't be including the nitty-gritty contract details in the movie. No one wants to see that. They want to know how I'm preparing for my second, third and possibly fourth donation and if it's as crazy an experience as the first one.