Grooooooooow babies!!

How 2 men + 2 women - sex + science = 2 babies!!

This is the funny, heart-warming, tearful, inspiring, and shocking truth about my journey to have a child.

How a man, another man, a woman, another woman, a couple lawyers, a few doctors, a psychologist, a couple social workers and some agencies make a baby.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Yes, I cried again this week. And no, it won't be the last time.

I'm in the contract negotiating part of surrogacy and egg donation. I have two contracts - one for each woman. The surrogate contract is a lot more in depth than the egg donor contract. The surrogate contract is about 39 pages long and addresses so many issues that never crossed my mind. There are stipulations about everything from what happens if there are triplets, forbidding the surrogate to use hair dye, testing the surrogate's boyfriends (if any) for STDs, compensation if she is on bed rest, travel restrictions, doctor preferences, who is in the delivery room, etc. There is a huge section that is extremely morbid about what happens if I die before the baby is born or if the surrogate is hurt and on life support. Anything and everything is addressed. I guess surrogacy has been around long enough and so many issues have come up that it takes 39 pages to work out all the issues.

One thing that was a surprise for me in the contract was that I have to have a will and appoint a guardian by the 20th week of the pregnancy. As if this process weren't trying enough now I have to imagine my death, rank my friends and family and pick who will take care of my embryo for the next 18 years. The good part is that it'll be good for me to get a will made, but this is a stressful decision.

I've been thinking about this for a while. Today I talked with two dear friends of mine and brought up the idea of them being the guardians in the event of a piano falling on my head (which is how I've always thought I'd go). I told them to think about their answer for a long time because I don't have to decide today and it is a big decision - emotionally, financially, time-wise - and I'm asking a lot of them. About 4 or 5 hours later, while I'm sitting in Walgreen's waiting to get my prescription strength toothpaste for my cavity infested mouth, the husband calls. I thought it was weird he was calling me when I just saw him a few hours ago. I answered and he immediately said their answer to my request was yes. I was blown away they decided so quickly. He said he and his wife decided about 10 seconds after I left their place that they would do it they decided to wait a little longer just to make it look like they really thought about it but there was no question in their mind.

As I sat in the middle of Walgreen's pharmacy and cried out of happiness (aha! now you see the title of this posting is true), once again I realized how much my friends love me and how much support I really have in my life. It's an amazing thing to go through anything huge in life whether it be a serious illness, losing a job, or having a baby with a PhD student currently living out of state, a 23 year old black, Baptist who you met for an hour, a petri dish and some magic. (Don't try to convince me otherwise, I'm amazed by the process and I'm sure there's at least a little magic involved.) You really do learn a lot about yourself, your friends and your life.

This movie now needs the guardians too. It's becoming a cast of thousands. Since this is turning into an epic I may need James Cameron to direct. Anyone have any connections to his agent???


  1. Michael,
    You arer absolutely amazing! We have been following your journey with excitement and awe. We are too old to have volunteered to be guardians :) but we just might be able to baby sit sometimes!
    Jacki and Shelly

  2. Creating a baby IS magic, make no mistake. Sure, it can be explained scientifically, but that makes it no less magical or amazing.