Grooooooooow babies!!

How 2 men + 2 women - sex + science = 2 babies!!

This is the funny, heart-warming, tearful, inspiring, and shocking truth about my journey to have a child.

How a man, another man, a woman, another woman, a couple lawyers, a few doctors, a psychologist, a couple social workers and some agencies make a baby.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

T minus 68.5

On Wednesday I got some good news. I found out that my sperm is extremely healthy. I called the fertility clinic and asked how my thawed sperm did. I was told that everything looked good and I did not have to make any more donations. I asked the embryologist if he was sure and he told me that he had five vials. (Yep...FIVE!) I asked how many are typically used and he told me the doctors use one or possibly two vials. So yes, once again let it be known to the world I am manly and virile. :-) (Imagine my arms akimbo and me puffing up my chest looking proud now.)

I also found out that a friend of mine started her own blog and mentioned that my story has inspired her to keep a record of her journey. She is just getting started in the surrogacy process. Her first post is wonderful. I'm already excited to see what happens next. (Now I know how all of you feel reading mine. It is exciting.) I told her -- like I've said here before -- that I gain strength knowing that people are following my process and I gain inspiration knowing that three friends of mine shared their stories with me, are thinking about going through the process as well, and are benefiting from my experiences.

Well, now a word of warning to my friends and followers about the ups and downs of this process. Just when I thought everything was going so well I ran into a snag. I'm actually not sure how much of this I can say. Parts of my contracts with the egg donors and surrogates talk about how I'm not allowed to divulge certain parts of the contract so I'll make this a little vague because the last thing I want to do is read a 40 page contract again. I've been staring at them all week and I need a break.

I have had some issues with the surrogate and donor contracts.

The issue with the donor contract is that I didn't have one. I had heard she went in for her consultation with her lawyer last Saturday. I expected to hear a response to the contract Monday or Tuesday. I didn't hear all week. I wondered if maybe she got cold feet and backed out. My lawyer's assistant and lawyer contacted the donor's lawyer and heard nothing. This was completely freaking me out. The contract is due July 21st at noon! Time is running out! Finally, Sunday, at 1:55 a.m., my lawyer sent me a copy of the contract with the donor's changes. Phew! At least now I had some proof she wasn't backing out.

Overall it was good news. The donor did agree to register with the Sibling Donor Registry which makes me happy. There were a few minor details in the contract that I could live with if I had to, but I might try to amend one or two of them if possible. I am hopeful that I will get to use the egg donor I want to use and this will work out.

One down, one to go.

The surrogate contract came to me on Tuesday I believe. I had some small concerns which I could live with and one big concern which scares me. Basically a surrogate contract says that the surrogate is not allowed to travel outside the state in which she is residing after a certain time period because it risks the baby will be born in a state with different surrogacy laws. The last thing I need is to wage a battle in Montana or Georgia trying to establish my rights as a parent. My potential surrogate added one little clause that says she is allowed to leave the state at any time for something related to her education. I say no. I understand why she would want that clause but after recently hearing that my friend gave birth to a baby 6 weeks early I don't want to take that chance. My lawyer suggested adding some language that makes the surrogate consult with her lawyer about the surrogacy laws of the state to which she will travel and makes her financially responsible for any costs associated with that state. Again, I say it's not just the risk of the money, it's the time off work, it's the collection of legal fees from a surrogate who may not have the money and it's the stress of starting off my life as a father waging a legal battle in a far away state. I don't want that. I'm pretty sure I will be unyielding and she might be too. So the surrogate may fall through. I'm not sure yet. I sent an email to my lawyer telling her my concerns and I haven't heard back yet. I now have about 68.5 hours and counting until the deadline. This is starting to feel like an episode of "24."

On a lighter note, I saw a movie called "The Kids Are All Right" yesterday which is the story of a lesbian couple and their two kids from a sperm donor. The kids find their biological dad and start a relationship with him. The movie is a little ridiculous at times and eventually one of the lesbian moms sleeps with the sperm donor. I asked my boyfriend after the movie if he would ever sleep with my egg donor if we meet her. He said that would never happen. less thing to worry about in my life.


  1. I was going to ask if you'd heard of and/or seen that movie after hearing it reviewed on NPR.

    I totally understand your concerns with the travel thing - not only the risk of baby being born in a non surrogate (or gay) friendly state, but also the risk of being away from a level 3 hospital.

    Perhaps the lawyers could find out if there is a particular educational trip she is concerned about, and you could offer to pay for a late testing fee or whatever she may need to get permission to take the trip after the baby is born.

  2. I'm glad to read about the good news. And about the contract... I surely understand that the legal stuff can bring a lot of headaches, but take it one step at a time, get legal counsel and things will work out fine.