What Happens Next?

It has been a week since I found out the pregnancy didn't take. A lot of people have asked what the next step is. I don't have all the answers yet, but I have to meet with my doctor again. My appointment is at the end of this month. And it looks like we will try again in November. Two months is a long time to wait for me, but I think I like taking that time to just get over what happened over this past cycle.

Meanwhile, I just got some emails from the fertility clinic yesterday and today. I have to sign a form to consent to thaw and transfer the frozen embryos and, of course, pay the clinic again. They always want their money! I read one form yesterday and it crushed me again. One paragraph said more embryos will be thawed than I expect to be transferred because not all thawed embryos are suitable for transfer.

WHAT???

I thought I had three embryos left. Now I find out that may not be true? This was a blow when I was already not doing so well. I feel like I need to talk to the doctor to get more information. My mind is just racing with "what if" questions.

So where is the silver lining?

Well, I may have one. On Sunday I met with a friend of mine who talked about the idea of making room in your life for more things to come in, positive energy in the world, and the power of your own thoughts to make real, physical changes even though everything around you is going against what you want. We talked about experiments like how you physically become stronger when you say the word "yes" or tell the truth and become weaker when you say "no" or tell a lie. The mind is definitely very powerful.

The next day I went to work. My job that day was tough. It was from 9:30-1:30pm and I assumed there would be a break at some point...just a few minutes to go to the bathroom or get water. People can't go four hours without a five minute stretch, right? At about 12:00 we hadn't taken a break and there was no mention of one any time soon. As my partner and I wrote notes back and forth to each other I wrote that I hoped they would take a short break. About a minute later someone in the room asked for a break.

Hmmmm...my mind IS powerful!

As my partner and I chatted during the break (we hadn't seen each other in about two years) she mentioned the power of visualization and sending things out to the universe. I thought it was interesting I had two conversations in a row about this idea. I also remembered reading something about an experiment with water. I looked it up online and found this excerpt....

Dr. Emoto found that if he played beautiful music in the presence of tap water, it would then make beautiful frozen crystal formations. He also learned that the written word changed the water. Dr. Emoto taped paper strips on bottles of tap water and then photographed the frozen water. He found that words such as "Thank you," and "I love you," caused the tap water to form beautiful crystals. Words such as "You make me sick," or "You are a fool," caused ugly, distorted crystals or no crystals at all. Dr. Emoto then found that we can cause tap water to form beautiful frozen water crystals simply by praying for the water, by sending it loving thoughts, and by blessing it.

This came from the website http://www.dowsers.com/page52.html

I have never been very religious or even spiritual. But when you're dealing with such high stakes, you'll try anything. During this first attempt I was scared to think the results would be positive or negative. I didn't want to go down either path. I was afraid of getting my hopes up but now that I have gone through this once I'm ready to throw myself into the process. I'm going to ask everyone to really think about my surrogate being pregnant, to pray for a successful pregnancy, and to hope that this next time will be a success. I do think that our thoughts can affect outcomes.

Meanwhile, Neil Patrick Harris is still M.I.A. Hrmpf!