Grooooooooow babies!!

How 2 men + 2 women - sex + science = 2 babies!!

This is the funny, heart-warming, tearful, inspiring, and shocking truth about my journey to have a child.

How a man, another man, a woman, another woman, a couple lawyers, a few doctors, a psychologist, a couple social workers and some agencies make a baby.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Just a Little Dab of Super Glue

It's interesting how different waiting rooms have different types of magazines. I go to a barber (yes, he even has the turning barber's pole outside his shop) and the magazines are all Sports Illustrated and Money. When I go to my dentist in Lincoln Park there are a lot of Time and Newsweek magazines. Then Derek and I go to the fertility clinic and we see Vogue and Cosmo. We found out how to know if you're good in bed and what men on the street's sexual new year's resolutions will be. I'm amazed these magazines have been around for so long. Maybe next time Derek and I can take an "Are You Compatible?" test since we all know those tests are accurate.

"Well this is frustrating," the doctor said as we started our meeting.

Yep. The doctor was right. That's pretty much how I felt. And, to add to my anxiety, I just found out I had to think of some sexual new year's resolutions if I wanted to be a "man on the street."

The doctor really had no explanation as to why this hasn't worked yet. I get that this is an art, not a science, but I still was hoping for an explanation. I did get an answer to one of my burning questions.

"So, you can take one egg and one sperm and isolate them," I said. "You can crack the shell of the egg. You can make an embryo grow in a dish for 3-5 days. You can freeze and unfreeze my sperm. You can watch the embryos enter a uterus on a monitor. Why the heck can't you just make an embryo stick to the uterine wall? C'mon...just shove it in there and make the surrogate lay on her side for a couple days. Am I right, doc?"

"It doesn't quite work that way, Michael," the doctor says in his awesome accent that I think is South African but I'm not sure.

Curse the limits of science. (Shake fist in the air.)

"If I touch the uterine lining," the doctor continues, "the lining gets irritated and won't accept the egg. And if the egg does stick but the body doesn't want it to stick, it will just lead to a miscarriage down the line."

"Even if you use a little dab of Super Glue?" I asked hopefully.

OK...I didn't really say that.

Then I asked the question every doctor hates to hear. "If you were in my shoes, and I know you can't really tell me what to do, what would you do?"

"I'd get another egg donor," he said quickly.

Wow! A direct, confident answer from a doctor. Nice. Not really the answer I wanted to hear...but I'm glad he felt confident about a decision. We talked about how the eggs are a major part in the success of surrogacy. My sperm looked fine from what they could tell (remember my five...yes FIVE vials!) and a healthy embryo can be put in a 40 year old surrogate and have no problems. The biggest factor that should be changed with my specific situation is the egg donor. So the doctor strongly recommended I find a donor who has either already has a child or has donated eggs that have resulted in a successful pregnancy. My first donor didn't already have children and it's possible that she is infertile and her eggs will just not result in a pregnancy. We're jumping to a BIG conclusion, but when you're in a situation like mine and it costs time and energy and money for every attempt we want to reduce every unknown possible.

I have been looking at donors over the last week or two since I only have one embryo left I knew that starting with a new egg donor was a distinct possibility. I found one woman who I like. She has actually donated 5 times before and the limit is 6 according to some governing board. If I pick her she'd have to retire. How cool to say she retired at 26! I also saw that the woman I was considering months ago who I couldn't use because someone else picked her is available to donate again. I'll have to check if her donation has resulted in a pregnancy.

When I mentioned I needed a little more fun in my entries someone suggested we go all "Survivor" or "American Idol" on this blog and have people vote for their favorite donors. Every week I could post a new fact about the donors to help people decide their vote. I'm sure there is something totally unethical if not illegal about disclosing information like that on a blog and that is clearly not a way to pick a donor. But the idea made me laugh. Picking the right donor is hard.

Meanwhile, back in the casting department, the doctor will most likely be played by Hugh Jackman. He's got a nice accent.

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