Grooooooooow babies!!

How 2 men + 2 women - sex + science = 2 babies!!

This is the funny, heart-warming, tearful, inspiring, and shocking truth about my journey to have a child.

How a man, another man, a woman, another woman, a couple lawyers, a few doctors, a psychologist, a couple social workers and some agencies make a baby.

Friday, November 11, 2011

My Better Half

I was just looking at the title of my blog and realized that I wrote it has taken one man and two women to make these babies. Well, I think I need to make a little amendment: it's really TWO men and two women.

If you have read my blog you have seen me mention Derek from time to time. Hopefully he won't mind me talking about him, but he's as much a part of this as anybody so I want to introduce you to him.

In December of 2009 Derek and I met online and I wasn't interested in dating. I was getting close to putting down my deposit with the surrogacy agency. After 10ish years of dating men who always said, "Those kids are so cute but I'm glad I don't have one" or "I love being an uncle so I can give the kids back to their parents at the end of the day" I had resolved (or maybe resigned?) myself to being a single parent. Derek had emailed me to say he was moving to Chicago and asked where he should live. Being the nice guy that I am, however, I emailed him back by answering his question. Done. Case closed. I wasn't going to date.

A few months later I got an email from him saying he was in Chicago. By this time I had already started with the surrogacy process and it was right around the time I got matched with my surrogate. I was even less interested in dating than when Derek had first contacted me. I wasn't going to date.

Well, this man kept emailing me. I would respond because he seemed like a nice guy and I didn't want to be rude. Plus, I am a sign language interpreter and it was great to see in his profile he is fluent in American Sign Language, but that alone wasn't enough to meet him. I wasn't going to date.

After two months of him "bothering" me I agreed to meet him so we could eat dinner, realize we weren't a match and finally he would stop contacting me. We had a great time and he asked to see me again. I still wasn't going to date.

We went out a few more times. He was nice. He was cute. He was smart! I didn't know if we were starting a relationship or not. I was resistant. Maybe I was going to date.

My birthday was three weeks after we met. That morning I emailed Derek and told him I was getting together with friends and he was invited to join us for dinner. He accepted. Thirty minutes before dinner I thought, "Oh *$#@!!! Someone is going to ask me how the baby making process is going and Derek will have no idea what is going on." So I asked to meet with Derek before he came into the restaurant. I told him of my plans to have kids. His response was, "I think that's wonderful." I said he could leave now before dinner and never call me again. Or he could eat dinner and then leave and never call me again. He stayed. Hmmm...maybe dating was a possibility.

For weeks I didn't believe he was OK with this twist in our relationship. I questioned if he understood what he was getting into. I worried that he didn't really want kids and I was wasting my time. I worried that he only wanted kids and didn't want me. I worried about anything and everything. (You all know me by now...that's just what I do!) And yet he stayed. We became closer. He told me that he had wanted to be a dad for a while. I think I could date him.

Over the last 18 months, as I've gone through the process, Derek has been added into the mix slowly but surely. At the beginning the kids were 95% mine, then 90%, then 80% and it has slowly worked its way down to 50/50. I entered this process alone and needed to protect my babies. Derek has now proven himself time and time again. He has been there for me through all the ups and downs. He helps coordinate doctor appointments and wakes up at 5 a.m. to go to transfers. He holds my hand as I hold my breath during ultrasounds. The babies are ours now. There are moments that I freak out realizing that I'm not in control all the time and I may have to make compromises about how to raise the babies, but I know these babies will be lucky to have both of us in their lives raising them together.

I love you, Derek. I can't wait for us to meet our babies.


  1. Mike that moved me to tears! Love is a beautiful thing and I'm grateful to you for sharing that. I can't wait for the baby showers, pictures, etc. You show bravery and courage with every step in this process. I'm fortunate to know you.

  2. Lovely! So happy for both of you. But I must make a correction - you met Derek online in December 2009, not 2010!

  3. This was a really honest and beautiful post. I have wondered a few times where he fit in after you mentioned him and I am glad to read that you guys are both "knee deep" in all the chaos and fun that are babies! Really really happy for you Michael!! xoxo Tonya

  4. Michael! You know I read your blog religiously and, yet, hardly ever post. I am such a fan of Derek, I think you both know this. You couldn't have written a more beautiful and fitting post about him, you, and your beautiful and amazing family you are starting! I am thrilled to know you both. Thank you for this beautiful happy post in my day! Thank you for being the kind of parents kids DREAM about. :) Love you both! <3 <3 <3

  5. Michael, I love you and Derek together! It sounds more like 100/100 than 50/50 :)
    You guys are going to make great parents! Oh btw, now you have to change it to 2 babies!! 2 men+ 2 Women = 2 babies!!!


  6. Carlyn, thank you for catching that. I don't know how I completely missed a year of my life.

    And Courtney, how did I never realize that I had to change it to TWO babies!!!

    I'll make those changes now.

  7. That was awesome! I am always amazed at how the universe throws those people into our lives, and we're left thinking holy crap! I never knew I had always been looking for you. I love this story!

  8. Okay, now that I can see through my tears to type, I'll tell you how beautiful I think your post is. Since we first met him, Derek seemed to be a natural part of your life. Can't wait to meet the next 2 additions.

  9. What a great story! You guys will grow even stronger through becoming parents together. So happy for you both!!!

  10. Thank you for this, Michael. You have no idea how much it has touched and reassured our family. We only want Derek to have someone love and appreciate him as we do.

  11. I am in tears!!! What an amazing story and journey you two have taken together. WOW!!! Derek sounds like an amazing guy and I'm so glad you two found each other. Off to get more tissues!!!!!