Strange But True

Before I write today's entry I just wanted to say to everyone that I appreciate you listening to my fears about this process and letting me get out my little neurotic outburst. After hearing from surrogates telling me how seriously they take their role and hearing from parents that they got their nails done and ate chocolate every day instead of broccoli and wound up with good, healthy kids I'm feeling much calmer now. As I think I've said once or twice before, I do like and trust my surrogate. I'm not saying my fears won't pop up again, but it's good to know with venting and support I can calm down.

I will say, too, that a couple weeks ago my surrogate had some spotting. She ran to the doctor to get checked out and then emailed me to say that she didn't want to scare me so she waited until she was examined by a doctor and everything was OK. I'm sure some people would have wanted to know right away, but since I am the worrier that I am it's probably best she handled it and told me later. That made me grateful that she was concerned enough to feel something was wrong and wanted to have a doctor see if everything was OK.

Plus, according to the baby calendar, we are starting the second trimester today. That is exciting and it's allowing me to get more excited about the process.

After I write a "heavy" entry I like to write something fun. So today's entry is all about the weird world of births.

1. One woman gave birth to twins who were each in a separate uterus. The statistics in the article don't really add up. It says there have only been about 100 cases worldwide but it affects one in every 2,000 women and one in every 5 million births. I know that there have been more than 500,000,000 births considering we currently have 6-7 billion people on Earth now. Maybe a statistician can explain what I'm missing. Well, whatever the numbers really are, it's kinda cool.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/09/20/andreea-barbosa-twins-uterus_n_971911.html?ref=healthy-living-health-news&ncid=webmail4

2. This next one is a story of a woman who gave birth to two sets of twins. Each time one was black and one was white. How amazing is genetics?!?! It's so rare there are no statistics on how often it happens.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/09/20/andreea-barbosa-twins-uterus_n_971911.html?ref=healthy-living-health-news&ncid=webmail4

3. Finally, we have a bunch of different stories that you just have to read 'em to believe 'em. I won't summarize them. Just click on the link. You'll enjoy them like I did.
http://socyberty.com/society/six-unique-births-recorded-in-the-books-of-history/

My Online Family

First of all, I know I haven't written in a while. When people in my life have asked about the pregnancy I've told them, but I've been hesitant to blog about it more. It's funny how the prompt to start writing came from total strangers. "Mike and Tony", whom I have never met, wrote a comment asking what was going on. It's amazing how this online family has started to feel more like a family. I feel like I've been through horrors of injecting lupron, the ups and downs of delivering triplets, the boredom of bedrest and more with my online "family" of surrogates and IPs. We all are pulling for each other and it's amazing to know that "Mike and Tony" (and others I'm sure) are invested enough in my life to want to know how my journey is going.

So here is the update...

I never thought I was very superstitious, but I'm learning that I really am. I recently saw an episodes of "Hoarders" in which a guy felt he couldn't throw out his dog's hair because it was like killing part of the dog. While I am more than happy to throw out and donate anything and everything I can, I can't judge the dog owner because I do silly things that I know aren't helping the babies grow, but I feel better knowing I do them.

1. I now have 3 ultrasound pictures and I won't take them out of my bag until the babies are born.

2. I have been nervous about blogging because we haven't made it through the first trimester yet but I'm happy to finally update my friends in the cyberworld because I know you've all been wondering what is going on.

3. I have a little wooden cat I bought a year and a half ago. I was in Epcot a couple months after starting my surrogacy journey and was waiting on line in the Japan store to buy something and saw these cats. The red cat was to bring luck for a healthy child. I bought it. Yes, Disney suckered me into it. I carry that cat around with me every day (when I haven't misplaced it...it's really small, y'all!).

4. I've already received a few baby gifts but they are with stored friends. Jewish superstition says you can't have a baby shower or buy baby gifts until the baby comes home. (In 2011 it's a little impractical but I don't plan to have anything in the house until we're well into the third trimester.)

5. I really want that cool "days left until the baby is born" countdowns some blogs have. How do I get that? (I'm already not as good as other parents. I can't figure out how to do that! LOL)

6. I wonder how I'll ever make it through parenthood if I'm this anxious already! :-)

I also bought my surrogate a pregnancy massage. I was hoping she could use it before the transfer but because of timing she wasn't able to do so. She tried to redeem the massage recently and was told she can't get the massage because twins are considered a high risk pregnancy. To get a massage she needs a note from her doctor. From what I've read, massages aren't a great idea in the first trimester. I'm hoping the doctor tells her to at least wait another month or just wait until she's close to giving birth. And my surrogate mentioned somthing about getting a manicure. While I know I can't control everything she does and I have to trust her, I've read that while a manicure isn't the worst thing, there are chemicals that are used that can be dangerous to a fetus. However, there's also the positive of feeling good and taking care of one's mental health. I'm sure if manicures were awful then we would have warning signs and no manicurist would be able to work for 9 months. So I'm concerned, but not super worried.

We're in week 10 now so we still have a month to go before I'll feel safe. But then we have testing and I'll worry about how they're growing. And in the third trimester I'll be worried that they'll come too early. (Are you all laughing at me and my neuroses yet?)

I'm wondering if a couple surrogates reading this blog might be able to answer a question. If your IPs asked you to do something/not do something (like take fish oil supplements, not get manicures, etc.) would you feel like the IP was micro-managing your life? Would you feel insulted? Would you be open to discussing the requests? Or maybe some IPs can talk about how you felt giving up control of the pregnancy to someone else. Overall I do trust my surrogate. I like her more and more every day and she has proven herself to be wonderful time and time again. I am thrilled to be matched with her. But as we get further along I worry more and want more control. That's just who I am. Of course every IP-surrogate relationship is different so I know there's not one right answer. Any thoughts from anyone could be helpful.

My surrogate contract does have a paragraph saying that the surrogate has to follow the doctor's orders and do things to not harm the baby. It's a very general statement. It also specifically states a few things are forbidden like changing kitty litter, but of course a contract can't address every situation that pops up in life during nine months. After reading an amazing article in Time magazine about how what happens in the womb can affect a person's life (http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2021065,00.html -- read it if you're an IP who is not a worrier like me or if you want to be a surrogate who impresses her IPs) I want my surrogate to eat only organic broccoli and live in a bubble of purified air and have a magical unicorn as her best friend. (Hey...let me have me dream, people!)

I'll stop babbling. You get my point. I guess I just want to know how a surrogate might feel if I mentioned something about pedicures, hair dye, getting a massage, etc.

And to answer Mike and Tony's original question. The babies are fine, thank you again for asking. They have good, strong heartbeats and when I figure out how to add pictures to this blog I may be able to get some ultrasound pictures online.

Congratulations!

I think my new favorite word in the English language is "congratulations." That's the word the nurse said when she left the message telling me that my surrogate was pregnant.

On Friday, August 5th, a nurse from the fertility clinic called to let me know the news. She left a message because I couldn't get to my phone when she called. I was working at my hospital when the message popped up so I called Derek and put him on speaker phone. I said I knew that the nurse had called and I didn't know if I should listen at that moment or wait until I was done with work. My amazing and supportive co-worker said that if I wanted to leave early I could so it was up to me if I wanted to hear the news at that moment or not. I vacillated for a minute or two and then decided I wanted to listen right away. So, my co-worker, Derek (who was on my work speakerphone) and I listened to the message on my cell phone (on speakerphone) and celebrated together. My co-worker was great and let me stop working for an hour or so while I processed the great news.

Now I'm going to try to remember these numbers but they may be wrong. I was never great with math. Math homework might be Derek's job.

My surrogate had an hCG (the pregnancy hormone) level of about 1,200 on Friday August 5th. The nurse said Chloe would have to go in again on Monday to make sure her hCG level kept increasing. The number should double approximately every 24-48 hours.

On Monday August 8th I got another call about 10 minutes before I was supposed to go into a job. I decided to answer it and heard the news. Chloe's hCG levels were up to about 3,800 so things were definitely going well. Then the nurse said something else to me. Chloe also had a sonogram that day and the doctors saw two sacs. So it looks like Chloe is pregnant with twins!

I was excited. Then scared. Then more excited. Then a little nervous. Then totally thrilled.

The nurse then explained that my doctor likes to do a third hCG test. So once again I had to wait for more results.

Yesterday, Thursday the 11th (which is my mother's birthday, by the way), I got a message saying Chloe's hCG level is up to almost 14,000. It was great that I could call my mom with such good news that day. And it was a relief to hear that everything is still progressing in the right direction.

I am starting to understand why people don't announce a pregnancy for the first few months. It's still so scary to get through this time and every time the phone rings I'm still holding my breath and praying for good news. But my lucky streak is still in full force. Soon Chloe and I will go in for an ultrasound and see what we can see. In the meantime, I really have to get around to buying that lottery ticket. I'm still having good luck and I'll need the money now that it looks like I'll be having twins.

I Should Go To Vegas

This cycle has gone so well. I think I'd even dare to say phenomenally well. The numbers have been so good. Maybe I should go to Vegas or buy a lottery ticket since I'm on a lucky streak. The 15 eggs from the retrieval were a pretty good number. The fact that 13 of the 15 were mature was very good. The next stage was unbelievably amazing. I still can't get over the fact that all 13 fertilized. Five days later I knew I had five viable embryos which was a good number. It was the same I had last year. Only two embryos didn't make it the five days and six were still growing. I was hopeful that I would get one or two more from those six.

Well, yesterday my lucky streak continued. Out of those six that were borderline the embryologists were able to freeze four of them. And one of those even grew into a 4AB which is the second highest quality. The others were 4BB, 4BC and 4BC.

So from 15 eggs that were retrieved a total of nine survived. That's unreal. There is usually a 50% attrition rate for the fertilization stage and another 50% attrition rate during the five days between retrieval and transfer. I was thinking if I got four embryos I'd be satisfied. But nine is so much better!

As I said before, two embryos were transfered so I have seven frozen and one frozen from my donor last year. I'm feeling pretty good. I don't know when my surrogate's pregnancy test is. I didn't ask and part of me doesn't really want to know. I know approximately when it will be but I'm happy to just make it through this week and I'll deal with the pregnancy test in a few days when my nerves have calmed down.

In the meantime, I think I had another sign. The fortune cookies haven't been as good to me as they were last year. But last night I had a callback for a show. There were 10 sides I had to prepare. Everyone got to read two. I was assigned to read Adam in my second scene. Adam is arguing that freedom of speech is only in theory and never really happens. It went like this...

Austin: Youre' saying exactly what you want right now and nobody's stopping you.

Adam: Yeah...well...that's because I'm white...

Austin: What?

Adam: ...and a male when I'd rather be black and a woman and feel my belly swollen with my baby, and be able to sing like Aretha Franklin! That's what I'm talking about, man. R-E-S-P-E-C-T!

It's like I'm Chloe! She's black. She's a woman. She wants to feel her belly swollen with my baby. She wants to sing like Areth -- well, I don't know about that one. But if this story is made into a musical Chloe needs to belt out a big song during birth so hopefully she'll sing like Aretha. I think this is a sign I'll have my baby and my musical too!

A Science Lesson

"Good news."

That's what the embryologist said when Derek and I first walked into the room. I told her that I liked hearing that. Here are the numbers...

Out of the thirteen eggs that fertilized and became embryos five of them were good to go. Two didn't make it. Six of them are still too early to tell. They're classified as morulas. The embryologists will wait until Wednesday to see how they're doing and then make a determination if they are viable or not. What's a morula you might say? (I know I said that.) I have no idea. I tried to get a good definition and here's what I found...

1. a solid ball of cells resulting from cleavage of a fertilized ovum
2. a solid mass of blastomeres that forms when the zygote splits; develops into the blastula
3. a solid, spherical mass of cells resulting from the cleavage of the fertilized ovum in the early stages of embryonic development. It represents an intermediate stage between the zygote and the blastocyst and consists of blastomeres that are uniform in size, shape, and physiologic capabilities.
4. a cluster of organisms appearing as an inclusion in the cytoplasm of circulating leukocytes infected by Ehrlichia spp

And the one that kind of makes the most sense for those of us without PhDs in science

5. an animal organism in the early stages of growth and differentiation that in higher forms merge into fetal stages but in lower forms terminate in commencement of larval life

So basically it's a "maybe baby."

The embryos - well, technically I think they're called blastocysts now - were decent quality but not quite as high as the ones I had last year. They range from 3BC to 4BB. The number can be 1-4 and represents the expansion of the blastocyst. I asked the embryologist to explain what that means and she said "Y'know...it's how it expands." Nothin' like using the word expand to explain expansion. I asked for a better explanation -- an expansion on the definition if you will -- and she showed Derek and me a picture. Her explanation of the picture was "See how it expands!"

"Yeah," I said, not really sure.

Derek and I later decided it basically means that it gets to the point that you can't count the cells any more because there are too many of them. That's the definition we're sticking to.

The first letter refers to the placenta and the second letter refers to the fetus. It can be either A, B, or C. I didn't ask what makes them an A, B, or C. I'm guessing it has to do with the quality but my head was still trying to expand so I could understand the first ranking.

I had talked with Chloe last night about the possibility of three embryos being transfered. She is concerned about carrying triplets. I am too. I'm concerned for her health, the health of the three fetuses, my wallet and my sanity having three infants. I didn't want her to decide last night because I wanted doctor input but I wanted her to figure out how she felt about that. She said she had thought of it too.

After talking with the embryologist we found out the statistics...

Transfering 2 embryos
singleton: 65%
twins: 20-25%
triplets: 3% (if one embryo splits)

Transfering 3 embryos
singleton: 65%
twins: 30-35%
triplets: 15%

So the chance of pregnancy is the same but the chance of multiples is higher. Twins would be OK, but the 15% chance of three babies was a little too much to handle knowing it didn't really improve the overall chances. So we settled on tranfering two 4BB babies.

Now we wait. And pray.

And Wednesday we'll see how many of the six can be frozen but so far things are still going well.

Breathe, Michael, Breathe!

This week is all about holding my breath, then breathing, then holding my breath, then breathing, then holding my -- well, you get the idea.

The breathing is going pretty well so far. We all know now that the doctor retrieved 15 eggs from the donor. That number was good, but there are still so many more hurdles to jump over.

On Thursday the nurse who is my contact for the egg donor left a message. She started out by saying it was good news. I was happy to hear that. But her idea of good news and my idea might be different.

The first number I heard -- holding my breath -- was that out of the 15 eggs 13 of them were mature -- breathe! That is a good percentage. I was happy to hear that.

Now I had to inhale again and hold my breath. There was another number I had to hear. The second number was how many eggs fertilized. This time the nurse said there was very good news -- hurry and say the number since I'm turning blue! Out of the 13 eggs we got all 13 fertilized!!! That was very good news. How exciting. I think my swimmers really outdid themselves this time. I am thrilled to -- wait...exhale first! OK. Better.

So things are good. Very good.

Today, about 5 minutes ago, I got a call saying it would be a 5 day transfer. I asked how my 13 embryos are doing and the nurse said she had no information about them. We'll all just keep praying that they're dividing and dividing and becoming stronger and healthier every day...or hour...or minute. I don't know how fast these things divide.

The big question now is how many embryos to transfer. Two is pretty common. But in my head, I'm starting to be open to transfering three. I won't know much until we get in on Monday and I learn more about the quality of the embryos. I'm OK with twins (and Derek is excited about twins) but triplets really increase the risk of health problems for both the babies and the surrogate. Plus, Derek and I would be outnumbered. No playing man-to-man defense. It would have to be zone defense. I'll have to find out about the chances of triplets and how Chloe would feel about that and how I would feel about it too. I hope to talk to her this weekend so she has time to consider it and we won't have to make a decision in five minutes on Monday morning.

I could be Octo-dad...TWICE

The nurse recently called me to give me the egg retrieval number. She said they got 15 eggs! Of course I was hoping for more, but I'll try to not be greedy. It's a good number. It's a couple more than I got last time so things are already going well. Tomorrow I get the number of how many of these eggs are mature and how many fertilized.

Oh...and I did eat eggs for breakfast today. I just couldn't not do it.