I Met the Machatunim

What the heck is a machatunim?

Yeah, I know I better explain that first before I continue.

Machatunim is a Yiddish word meaning the in-laws. I didn't really meet the in-laws last Thursday. I've already met Derek's family. (Although this month my family will meet his family for the first time and I'm so excited for that.) On Thursday I met Chloe's mother. Chloe had previously mentioned that her mother had been wanting to come to an appointment. I'm not sure if it was just to see the ultrasound or to meet Derek and me or support her daughter or a combination of everything. It was fun to meet her. Here's what I took away from that experience:

1. Chloe's mom is excited for this pregnancy. She talked about feeling the babies kick and how great it is to watch the babies grow.

2. During the ultrasound she got up to get a closer look at the monitor and afterwards she was looking at the picture (we only got one, measley picture of Baby B that day -- how sad).

3. She seemed truly excited for Derek and me.

It's this third one that really gets me. Once again I am amazed by the lack of judgement of our situation. As Derek and I start shopping for cribs and strollers and get ready to register we "out" ourselves and our situation more and more. I expect to get that surprised look on people's faces for a second as they readjust to understand they're talking with two dads; they don't. We're not so special any more. We're commonplace in (parts of) America (and the world).

Speaking of shopping, my friends with a 2 year old are taking Derek and me (and Kirsten and Marty of the kirstenmartingadopting.com fame from my last post) to register at Babies R Us this weekend. There is so much to learn: stollers, cribs, car seats, monitors, clothes, toys, bottles, etc. I'm sure we'll be overwhelmed but we have to start soon. Wish us luck and make recommendations if you want.

Also, a little update on the babies. They're big. Oh, and I don't mean big for twins -- I mean big for singletons. Poor Chloe. With every measurement I became more concerned for her. The babies are each over 2 lbs. The ultrasound technician measured their femurs and heads so we got four numbers based on the size of a singleton. I can't remember all four numbers but I believe they ranged from the 72nd percentile to the 92nd percentile. My dad has long legs. I have long legs. I'm not so worried about the femurs and sort of expected tall kids. (I believe the 92nd percentile was for a femur, not a head circumference.) It's the large heads that are tough. Women who have given childbirth can attest to that. I had a kidney stone so I have some idea of what birth is like (don't argue...people say the pain is similar!) so I'm worried for Chloe. The doctor said she is measuring at 31 weeks even though we're only at 25. We go to 38 weeks and after that the babies are coming out one way or another. One piece of good news is that the larger baby will most likely be born first and doctors like it that way. Plus baby A was not breech this time so hopefully he/she will continue to have his/her head down. We also got to listen to the heartbeats for the first time. I've heard so many heartbeats while interpreting appointments but it's different when it's your own. That sloshing, whooshing sound is beautiful when it's your own kids.

The last piece of news is that Derek proposed to me. We took a "we-need-one-last-time-to-ourselves" vacation and Mexico and he proposed on the balcony of our hotel overlooking the ocean. It was pretty awesome. We had already known that we were committed to each other, but I have to say there is something pretty amazing to have someone tell you that you are the one person in the world who they want to be with for the rest of their lives. Kinda makes ya feel special!

A Different Kind of Wish

This is the time of year we hear about wishes. We hear children wishing that they get presents from Santa, people wishing to be home for the holidays with their families and everyone wishing everyone else a happy new year. All of us in the surrogacy community are wishing for happy, healthy babies too. But let's not forget all the soon-to-be parents out there going through adoption and their wishes too.  For an unknown amount of time they hope that their phone will ring bringing them the news that their baby is on his or her way not knowing if they'll have 4 months or 4 days to get ready.

I recently wrote a blog talking about how lucky I felt to have twins on the way. Too many amazing, caring, wonderful people have not had the success I have had in this crazy process of having babies. This process is so random and a lot of luck is involved. My friends Kirsten and Marty are still holding their lotto tickets hoping that their lucky number will come up.  My wish for this year is that someone is able to help them achieve their dream. 

Marty and Kirsten are looking to adopt a newborn. You would think such an amazing couple would have been picked by a birth mother long ago. Kirsten has been a great friend of mine for about 8 years. She is intelligent, compassionate, very giving and a great actress who played my sister in a show and has since become like a sister to me. She is one of those rare people in this world who really values quality over quantity. She chooses to use her time to work on valuable projects and social justice and I know if she becomes a mom she will dedicate her time to her ultimate role as a mother while instilling quality values in her child.

I have known Marty almost as long as I have known Kirsten and he has been a wonderful, caring provider and a loyal friend who is always willing to lend a hand and give support. He has a gift of looking at a situation and seeing all sides while using both rational thinking and compassionate emotions. He has dealt with adversity and always managed to confront it with a smile.

Kirsten and Marty have learned that one of the best ways to adopt a child is through networking. They have asked me to publicize their webpage and Facebook page among my small but growing number of blog readers who understand the strong desire to become a parent. It doesn't matter where you live—they can adopt from any U.S. state. Please check out their beautiful website and spread the word to help a lucky child connect with some amazing parents-to-be in one or more of the following ways...

1) Email them your contact names at kirstenmartyadopting@earthlink.net. Their counselor tells them that the best referrals are OB/GYNs and family doctors.  If you have the names and contact information for any of your doctors, they’d be really grateful to receive those names or other leads. They’ll send the doctors a nice letter introducing ourselves, and then no pestering them after that -- they promise.

2) Visit and share their updated website: http://www.kirstenmartyadopting.com/ Can you think of 3-5 people with whom you could share this link? Good choices would be people with large networks of friends/family, and people who regularly come into contact with young women (the typical birthmother in successful adoptions is in her early 20’s).

3) “Like” their Facebook Page at http://www.facebook.com/pages/Kirsten-and-Marty-Adopting/175460612502343?sk=info%3E, and share the page with your Facebook friends.

Thanks in advance for any help.  I know 2012 will be a great year for me.  I hope 2012 is a great year for Kirsten, Marty and all of you bloggers out there.  Some of you recently got your wish, some are like me and are waiting for the wish to arrive, and for those of you still wishing, I hope you have the opportunity to wish again and it comes true this time.

I Need an Interpreter

One thing that you should know about me before you read this posting is that I am an interpreter. I spend my days running around the city interpreting anything and everything you could imagine. Seriously, you imagine it, I've probably been asked to do it or I've actually done it. I have interpreted high school and college classes in every subject imaginable, training for people who do taxes, 12-step recovery program meetings, discussions on transubstantiation and world religions, traffic court and mediation meetings, psychological assessments, and even a couple classes in Spanish even though I'm not a Spanish interpreter. Very little phases me any more. Doctors, lawyers, accountants, psychologists, rabbis and anyone else can throw out terminology and I've probably heard it or can deduce the meaning and provide an accurate interpretation.

Then I went shopping for baby strollers and car seats. I needed an interpreter. Here's what happened...

On my stroll through the city to run some errands and head to work I passed a couple of baby stores. I went in one because I wanted to see if they had that bed that grows with your baby I've heard about. Sure enough they did. Well, the saleslady told me that ordering a crib can take 10-12 weeks. I was taken aback by that since the babies are probably coming in about 15 weeks. Maybe I was in a state of shock and that's why my brain wasn't working when I went into the next store to discuss car seats and strollers.

The salesgirl at that store talked so fast my brain couldn't keep up. There was one sentence that was all gibberish to me. All I remember was hearing something that sounded like

You can use an InfantRoundaboutBSafeConvertibleAdvocateMarathon
CombinationBoosterClickAndSafeHarness and put it in your GracoTrekkoMountainBuggyDuoGliderWheelCityMiniTandemSportSnapAndGoBritaxDoubleWideDeluxeSwivelSideBySideBugaboo in silver, blue, onyx, paisley, cavalier, gray, navy, cardinal, crimson, red or cowmooflage."

Really? Cardinal, crimson AND red??? Do babies even care? (I know...it's the parents who care.) And just what the heck is cowmooflage? You know designers spent years coming up with just the right Holstein cow pattern worthy of being called cowmooflage.

Oh...and it's only $600 if you don't want any of the attachments.

Years ago, before we had all these laws and choices, kids were rolled through town in a wheelbarrow or rode on the back of a mule or were strapped to the back seat of a car with duct tape? (Kidding!)

Luckily my friend with twins (who is an interpreter) invited me over to her house to meet her kids and talk about parenting twins. She helped explain the stoller and crib situation. Whew. Hopefully I won't have another breakdown until I try to put together the crib or install the car seat. I've heard you need a degree in rocket science to do those.

The Award Winning All-Star Broadway Musical Which Will Be a Blockbuster Movie and (Maybe) a Mini-Series

If you've been reading my blog from the beginning you'll know that I started out joking that my story would be the next "Julie and Julia" entitled "Michael and Michaela". "Michaela" has been going through surrogacy too and I'm thrilled to say that yesterday she became the mother of a baby girl. I couldn't be happier for her and her husband.

Since you can't make it through this process (or any pregnancy) without a little humor, "Michaela" and I (with the help of some Facebook friends and now YOU) have been writing this Broadway musical/movie/mini-series. The descriptions of the songs are from the writers and you can see who gets credit for each song. This will be updated periodically as the cast and song list change and hopefully it will be completed at the birth of my children. Please feel free to make comments and suggestions for casting and song titles.


CAST LIST

Michael: Me!
Michaela: Amy Adams
Derek: Neil Patrick Harris
Aaron (Michaela's husband): Matthew Broderick
Michael's first egg donor: Mayim Bialik
Michael's second egg donor: Lea Michele
Michael's third egg donor: Natalie Portman
Chloe (Michael's surrogate): Jennifer Hudson
Lisa (Michaela's surrogate): Ashley Judd
Dr. K. (Michael's doctor): Hugh Jackman
Nurse Ratchet: Glenn Close
Michaela's doctor: Judy Greer
Michael's friends: Kathy Griffin, Jason Bateman & Eva Mendes
Michaela's friends: Ryan Reynolds and Tina Fey
Michael's parents: Carol Burnett and Martin Short

CREATIVE TEAM

Director: Steven Spielberg
Music and lyrics: Stephen Sondheim
Choreographer: "Michaela"

SONG LIST

"Makin' Babies in the 21st Century" - A song featuring porn, pipettes and petri dishes. (written by Michaela)

"Matchmaker" - A cover from Fiddler on the Roof with all new lyrics about finding the right egg donor and surrogate for Michael and Michaela. (written by Michaela)

"A Game of Telephone" - The joy of contract negotiation between two strangers via two lawyers in which messages are hilariously misinterpreted (written by Michaela)

"I'll Leggo My Eggos For You" - Several of Michael's absolutely amazing friends all offer him their eggs to help start his family. (written by Michael)

"Shootin' Up" - A raucous, western/country-esque song sung by Michaela and the egg donors and surrogates about the process of producing eggs and getting ready for the transfer. (written by Michaela)

‎"Circles of Life" - A song about the round shapes of eggs and the Life cereal Michael's friends ate for him and Derek. (written by Allison O.)

"It's a Hard (To Get) Knock(ed Up) Life" - The cover from "Annie" sung by Michaela's doctor. (written by Michaela)

"One" - An uplifting and exciting tap number about the great odds of only needing one egg to stick. Of course, there will be sparkly hats. (written by Allison O.)

"Somewhere That's Fertile" - A song sung by fetus as it dreams of fertile uteruses (uteri?). There will be fog and projections of a fetus gallivanting joyfully through uterine lining a la fields of daisies! Too gross...? (written by Allison O.)

"(It's all about) Pluses and Minuses" a duet/power ballad sung by Michael and Michaela as they await the results of their many pregnancy tests, while also contemplating the pluses and minuses of surrogacy and questioning whether or not they will ever become parents. (written by Michaela)

"Nobody Puts Baby (or Michael) in the Corner" - A sensitive and climatic power ballad that comes right before intermission and communicates Michael's determination to have a baby. Of course, since it's right before intermission, the entire cast will slowly enter and join in the song a la Fame's "Hard Work Reprise". (written by Allison O.)

"The Wicked Witch of the Womb's Lament" - Michael's nurse's song showing her true, inner feelings that's sure to win the hearts of the audience as well as a Grammy. (written by Michael)

"It's Not Over 'Til It's Ova!" - a second-act, buck-'em-up rousing song. (written by Thomas S.)

"Grooooooooow Baby" - Chloe's tender ballad hoping that the eggs stick. (written by Michael)

"Baby's Goin' to Beauty School" - Derek and Michael's duet realizing the babies can't go to Harvard because this process is draining their college fund. (written by Derek)

"Out There"- The fetus' song where they dream of what's beyond the goo. (written by Thom S.)

"Pushin' Real Hard" - a revival-esque gospel number about the birthing process sung by Chloe and the whole cast. (written by Michaela)

The Wee-Wee or Hoo-Ha Appointment

I hadn't seen my surrogate for almost 6 weeks. She had mentioned to me that she was showing. She had to order the pregnancy uniform for work because she was showing so much. When she walked into the waiting room on Wednesday she didn't look that big. She certainly had a baby bump, but it wasn't huge.

Then we entered the ultrasound room and she raised her shirt. Her stomach was big. I don't know what a typical 21 week stomach looks like, but it was bigger than I thought would be.

Yes...I know it's twins. I know she is going to get big. But at only slightly more than halfway through I'm concerned. I'm afraid she's going to be on bed rest by week 30.

The ultrasound technician, who I really liked and who will be the ultrasound tech for us for the rest of the pregnancy (and might even make a cameo in the Michael/Michaela musical/movie/mini-series/Broadway blockbuster) asked if Derek and I wanted to know the genders of the babies. We said no. Well, I had said from the start of the while process that I didn't want to know and Derek is OK with that. I wanted to make sure they each have 10 fingers and 10 toes, a couple of arms and legs each and a healthy spine, brain, heart and all those other important body parts. I couldn't care less about the wee-wee or the hoo-ha. (Those are the official terms. I'm a medical interpreter so I should know.) The technician said if it were a singleton baby the 20 week ultrasound would be the last one, but because it's twins we'll have ultrasounds every 4 weeks to make sure they're growing appropriately. I could ask for the sex during a future ultrasound, but I'm 99% sure I won't.

I got to work after the ultrasound and some co-workers were looking at the pictures. I told them I hadn't asked to know if the babies were boys or girls or one of each. One friend said, "I'll look!" As she looked through the pictures she asked, "Where are all the crotch pictures??? Did you tell the tech to avoid the crotch?!?!?"

So instead of knowing, I'll let you all vote. On the right side of my blog is a game to cast your vote. Or, if you're a fan of guessing, you can click on the link for ExpectNet and then click on "Enter a Guess" to guess the babies' due date, length, weight, and gender. I'll even give you some pictures to help you decide. Are these boys, girls or one of each?

I've Won the Lottery

Well, I didn't really win the lottery. I don't have a million dollars. But I do feel like I've won the lottery.

As I've gone through this process a lot of my friends have confided in me that they are going through similar struggles to start a family. Their reasons for not being able to have a child the "traditional way" are varied. It pains me to see some of my friends -- who would be amazing parents -- struggle as I have and not succeed. Anyone who has dealt with an infertility problem, for any reason, understands how high the highs are and also how low the lows can be.

Sometimes I wonder why I was the lucky lottery winner. I wonder why I was blessed with enough finances to pursue my dream. I wonder how I got the right combination of egg donor, sperm, surrogate, doctor, embryologist, lawyer, and agency. I wonder what I did to be blessed with twins. It's not that I doubt myself; I just wonder why luck can't hit every deserving person the way it hit me. Like a lot of things in life, this lottery isn't fair and it's unfortunate the game doesn't always reward hard work and good hearts.

I sincerely hope this entry isn't like pouring salt into a wound of those who are still waiting to see if their lottery ticket is a winner. I know sometimes it can be hard to celebrate a friend's success when you want to achieve the same dream and it hasn't come true yet. Maybe I'm writing this as a reminder to myself to be grateful during those days when I want to tear out my hair as the kids are screaming or talking back to me. Maybe I'm writing this to let my friends know that I understand what they are feeling and that I am there for them as they have been there for me. Maybe I'm writing this because someone on the internet will stumble across this posting and gain some hope. Who knows. For now I guess I'm just writing this to say thank you to all those people who helped me feel grateful this year.

This Is the Audience Participation Portion of the Blog

Here we go, people. It's time for all of you "lurkers" (as you like to call yourselves) out there to get in the game. I know there are a lot of readers out there (10,244 hits so far) but not a lot of comments. Well, here's your chance to help me out with comments, suggestions, advice, etc. The babies are due April 11th and will probably arrive end of March because twins usually come early. Let the preparations begin!

1. The question I've been thinking about for a while is: What do children with two dads call their dads? Dad and daddy? Daddy 1 and Daddy 2? Daddy Michael and Daddy Derek? Brainy dad and brawny dad? (Derek and I decided on our second date he was the brains and I was the brawn because he beat me at a trivia game at Dave and Buster's and I beat him at skeeball and a snowboarding arcade game.)

2. Derek and I are looking to connect with parents of twins to learn more about what twins need. My big question is about the stroller. Anyone know good strollers for twins? Should we get the side by side kind or the front and back kind? Or should we just buy a large, loyal dog and strap the babies to the dog? Maybe a St. Bernard? What's the maximum weight a St. Bernard can carry? Is it worth investing in a miniature pony instead?

3. Should we buy stock in Pepridge Farm or General Mills? Will we go through more Goldfish crackers or Cheerios? Will it make a difference if we have boys or girls since boys use Cheerios as a target during potty training?

4. I have a long last name. How frustrated will a child get if he or she has a 16 letter hyphenated last name vs. a 10 letter last name?

5. Derek and I will most likely become regulars at Babies 'R Us very soon. What should we definitely get? What was a waste of your money? Do you know of a good brand of car seats? What about those beds that grow with your baby? How many binkies do we need? And why on earth does no one use the word pacifier anymore? And is it a binky or a binkie? Inquiring minds want to know.

6. Derek keeps talking about matching outfits for the twins. I say no. Pick a side. Take a stand. This is like toilet paper rolls going over vs. under, Team Jennifer vs. Team Angelina or Team Edward vs. whatever that vampire guy's name is. (Wait...is Edward the vampire? I don't know and I don't care. I don't have a teenage daughter.)

7. Now that the twins can hear, Derek got us a lullabelly and our amazing surrogate said she would use it. While Derek and I have our own favorite childhood stories we want to read, we'd love to know your favorite stories too. What books should we read to the twins? Goodnight Moon? The Hungry Caterpillar? Samuel L. Jackson's Go the F**k to Sleep?

8. Lastly, but still an extremely important question, what can I do for my surrogate after the babies are born? I know every surrogate is different and has a unique relationship with her IPs so it's hard to know for sure what to do. Does anyone have any ideas? How do you thank someone for doing this? Any advice from IPs or surrogates? My surrogate and I both had said, at the start of this process, that we hope to be in touch and be friends. That is what is happening. We care for each other but we don't go out for lunch and call each other every week. I do hope to stay in touch with her after the babies are born and I think she would like to stay in touch with me. I've read surrogate blogs and the women are thrilled to see their IPs' dreams come true, but some have had a little bit of mixed emotions seeing their journey end. If you could tell your IPs anything, what would you want them to know?

I know my questions were silly and funny, but I really am looking for advice.