Grooooooooow babies!!

How 2 men + 2 women - sex + science = 2 babies!!

This is the funny, heart-warming, tearful, inspiring, and shocking truth about my journey to have a child.

How a man, another man, a woman, another woman, a couple lawyers, a few doctors, a psychologist, a couple social workers and some agencies make a baby.

Monday, April 23, 2012

The Goodbye

As you all know by now my twins were born in the wee small hours of the morning of March 27th.  Chloe did an amazing job of helping them grow big enough to not have to stay in the NICU.  We were all discharged a couple days later.  We did, however, have about two and a half days in the hospital together and I wanted to write a little bit about that.

When Derek and I talked with the staff at the hospital as Chloe was going into labor a few times they asked us directly or indirectly about whether or not we wanted to see Chloe or be on the same floor with her after the delivery.  The first time I heard the question I was a little taken aback.  Of course we wanted to be near her!  Then I remembered that not everyone has a great experience with their surrogate.  Some surrogate/IP relationships are all business and after the babies are born there is no more contact.  For me, that wasn't going to work, but I respect that situation may be the right choice for others.  So every time we were asked a question about our situation after the delivery I strongly answered that we wanted Chloe to see the babies and hold them and be near us.

The first time she got to see the twins was about half an hour after the delivery.  After the twins were born Derek and I were ushered into a room to meet them as the hospital staff continued to assess them.  At one point we were told that Chloe was in the room next door.  I looked over and saw what looked to be a sliding door.

"You mean she's there?" I asked, pointing towards the door.  "Can we open up the door now?"

The staff obliged after knowing we were OK with that arrangement.  I have to give the staff credit for respecting our wishes and the wishes of other IPs.

Soon after that Chloe went to a recovery room and I think it was about 12 hours later she came to our makeshift room where Derek and I got to stay so she could officially meet and hold the twins.  I loved seeing them together.  Of course we took pictures and talked and I probably cried a few times.  You all know that's what I do.

Since Chloe was in the room right next door we would visit with her once or twice a day.  The night before we were discharged I felt so overwhelmed trying to figure out what we could say before our final goodbye.  We knew it wasn't a "we'll never see you again" but it was the end of our contract and now we'd have to navigate our relationship post-pregnancy.

We had a card and a gift for Chloe and after hours of trying to figure out just how to say thank you I gave up and wrote a message that would just have to suffice because nothing can really thank a surrogate enough.  I wanted to post a picture of the card and gift.  I bought the card because I thought it was pretty and because the two little pearls reminded me of our two sweet embryos.  The necklace is a fire opal that Derek and I found during our Mexico trip.  I thought it was special since I had never seen that stone before and it was striking so we thought it would make a nice gift.

It was hard to say that goodbye.  So far, almost a month after delivery, we have shared pictures and seen Chloe once with the twins.  I hope we continue to be in contact and it'll be by choice, not by legal obligation.  Still, that final night in the hospital and then the actual final goodbye the next day when she was discharged was hard.

I hope Chloe will be able to see the twins are OK through my fatherhood blog.  Speaking of which, if you're not following it, you should.  My pregnancy journey was fascinating, but my fatherhood stories will be out of this world...if I'm ever awake enough to write them.  Raising twins is tiring!


  1. Love it! I hope your family and Chloe will continue to have a wonderful relationship.

  2. Beautiful post, but I expected nothing less from you! SO glad you guys' journey was so amazing! Now on to the fatherhood blog woohoo!

  3. So sweet, the way you speak of Chloe <3

  4. I love hearing from an IP's point of view about things like this- the hospital stay, your relationship with Chloe, etc. You are so sweet!