Twin Facts

I was planning on just cutting and pasting twin facts, but I think you all deserve a little update as well.  There isn't a ton to say, but here's what's going on in my life...

1. My surrogate is off work now even though my surrogacy agency said she wasn't supposed to be off work until next week.  I think I have to pay lost wages for a few weeks but I guess I can't complain.  Chloe has been a rock star to make it 35 weeks in such great shape.

2. My whole FMLA issue is still up in the air.  I may qualify or I may miss the minimum number of hours by just a few.  I talked with my boss today and she seems willing to let me take off one day a week and work one day a week at the hospital.  As long as I have one day off a week I won't need child care for a couple months.  My friend says if I don't qualify for FMLA I should try to get a doctor's note for stress and use my sick leave.  I am stressed...but what parent-to-be isn't???

3. Derek and I just got approved for a new apartment.  It's more than we were hoping to spend (but just barely in our budget) and the stress of moving a month after the babies come isn't fun.  But the apartment will be better, it's closer to work, and we'll have in-unit laundry and parking.  Woo-hoo!!!  I wasn't sure if we had to disclose we will be having babies are not.  I called a housing rights group today and asked them.  They said because we don't actually have the babies now and we don't know what will happen in a couple weeks we don't legally have to disclose it.  I'm a little sorry for my neighbors who may hear babies crying, but I guess that's how it goes when you live in an apartment.  Any lawyers out there or parents with babies know any rules about this?

Now, the fun part of the posting.  At work I give a report of what happened and I always add a "medical fact of the day."  Just something random about our bodies that may just pop up one day while interpreting.  Today, I decided to research twin facts.  I found 20 cool facts.  Here they are...

1. A whopping 22% of twins are left handed. Amongst the general population, the number shrinks to 10%. Handedness isn't always a clearly genetic trait, and the factors that go into it can be quite complex. In fact, scientists are not even entirely sure how or why so many twins are left-handed – just that it very likely has to do with a connection between a genetic predisposition for twinning and a genetic bias for left handedness. Why are the two connected? We still don't know.


2. Rates of twin births vary by location. Certain areas of the world and our own nation have much higher rates of twin births than other places. For instance, if you live in Massachusetts, New Jersey or Connecticut, the twinning rate is 25% higher than the general populace. On the flip side, Hawaii and New Mexico have a twin birth rate 30% lower than that of the national average. Scientists believe that this propensity for multiple births is the product of multiple factors involving fertility drugs, heredity, food choices and age.

3. While most people are only familiar with identical and fraternal twins, there are actually 7 different types of twins. They are: identical, fraternal, half-identical, mirror image twins, mixed chromosome twins, superfecundation, and superfetation. Those other than identical and fraternal can be quite rare.

4. Twins do not have to be born on the same date. In fact, they can be born surprisingly far apart. The longest recorded gap between twin births is 85 days. How does this happen? The simplest explanation comes when one twin is born just before midnight and the other after. In cases where there is a longer gap, it's often because one twin is born early due to complications, while the other is left in the womb to further develop. This is much safer for the second baby and can help improve survival rates.

5. Twins do not have to have the same father. While we often think of twins as having the same mother and father, it's possible for a woman to give birth to two children on the same day who don't share a father. This phenomenon is called heteropaternal superfecundation. It happens when a woman releases multiple eggs, each fertilized by sperm from separate instances of sexual intercourse. It's uncommon, but genetic testing has shown that it is possible.

6. Identical twins have different fingerprints. Some people might think that identical twins are the same right down to those whorls and swirls on their fingerprints, but while identical twins share most of their genetic material, identical fingerprints aren't among them. While the fingerprints may be very similar, on close examination it is possible to tell them apart – much like the twins themselves.

7. About 25% of identical twins are called mirror image twins. This means that they are, in fact, identical, but only in the way that your reflection in a mirror is an identical image of you. For example, if one twin has a mole under her right eye, the other will have it under her left eye. Scientists think this is due to the fertilized egg splitting later than the norm for identical twins, around nine to twelve days after fertilization.

8. Identical twins have almost identical brainwave patterns. The notion that twins think alike just might be true. Research on identical twins shows that they have almost perfectly matching brainwave patterns. Some think this could explain twins' abilities to know what the other is thinking and feeling.

9. Twins can celebrate their twinning in Twinsberg, Ohio. If you or your children are twins, you can head to this city in Ohio to celebrate the Twins Days Festival. You'll be amid a sea of look-alikes, with twins, triplets and multiples from all over the nation converging on this town to celebrate being a twin.

10. Twins often develop their own language. This phenomena is called idioglossia. It's something that has fascinated people about twins for years, but it's really a relatively simple and easily understandable process. It happens when one twin models the disordered or incorrect speech of the other, leading to both twins using the same grammatical or speech sound errors. It sounds like a foreign language, but is really just a normal part of cognitive development.

11. Identical twins can be of different sexes. It might sound strange to stay that identical twins can be different when it comes to gender, but technically speaking it is possible. It happens when the egg splitting process doesn't happen quite as it should, resulting in twins that display genetic abnormalities like Klinefelter's syndrome. This means one twin might have the right correlation of XX or XY while the other has XXY.

12. Twins share DNA, but it is not identical. While identical twins come from the same sperm and egg, their DNA isn't necessarily identical, according to new research. Scientists used to think differences in twins were due to environmental factors; they now know that isn't the only force causing variations. Genetic studies have demonstrated that there are certain points where twins will veer away from one another, with one carrying different or multiple copies of the same gene.

13. Certain diets may increase your chances of having twins. What a woman eats can help increase her chances of having twins, or so researchers think. While genetics obviously plays a big role, diet can also influence this phenomenon. Researchers have found that women who eat dairy and animal products are much more likely to have twins than those that don't. This is likely due to a protein called IGF that increases the sensitivity of the ovaries to hormones that cause ovulation.

14. Fraternal twinning is genetically predisposed. Identical twinning is random. Fraternal twinning is the result of a woman releasing multiple eggs at the same time, and is largely the result of a genetic predisposition to release this extras. Identical twins, however, are the result of a random split of a single egg, something which cannot be genetically predisposed. In recent years, the number of fraternal twins has risen in response to fertility treatments, while the number of identical twin births has stayed the same.

15. Fraternal twins can have vastly different skin colors. This is an incredibly rare phenomenon (the odds of such births are 1 in a million according to some experts), but it does happen. When parents of mixed or different races have twins, they can have quite different skin colors upon birth. A number of cases have made the news in recent years and have fascinated the public at large. Because fraternal twins don't share identical genetic material, one may inherit the genes for one skin color, the other another. The parents provide potential coding for either.

16. Twins can have different gestational age. When it comes to fraternal twins, fertilization doesn't always have to happen at the same time. Fraternal twinning is the product of releasing two eggs within the same cycle, and the eggs are not necessarily released on the same day. One egg may be fertilized days (even weeks) before the other, leading to a difference – however slight – in the age and development of the twins.

17. 27 lbs and 12oz is the heaviest combined birth weight of any set of twins. if you think it would be rough to carry around and deliver one 14-pound baby, then imagine doing it with two. That's just what happened in this case, the largest twin birth on record. Of course, it doesn't hold a candle to the largest singleton birth weight of 23 pounds.

18. Twins separated at birth and reunited are often found to be eerily similar in personality and interests. The studies that discovered this fact, however, have widely been condemned as some of the cruelest and morally repugnant in medical history. During the 60's and 70's, identical twins were separated at birth in an attempt to determine whether it was nature or nurture that determined their personalities. However unethical, the study demonstrated that a great deal of who we are comes from our genes; many of the twins bore uncanny similarities in personality and preferences despite spending decades apart.

19. Scientists believe that the number of twin conceptions greatly outnumbers the number of twin births. Twin conceptions are much more common than many people realize. Of course, these conceptions do not always result in the birth of two healthy babies. Very often, one of the fertilized eggs or embryos will be reabsorbed into the mother's womb in a phenomenon called "vanishing twin syndrome."

20. The incidence of twin types and genders are oddly symmetrical. These facts about twinning are sure to leave you in awe. One third of all twins born are identical, one third are same sex fraternal and one third are male/female fraternal. Of the identical twins, half are male/male and half are female/female. Of the same sex fraternal, half are male/male and half are female/female.

Time Is Running Out

Chloe recently went to the doctor and emailed me to say not to worry, but there is some softening and dilation.  So click below!  Plus, this vote is an easier decision to make than who to vote for in the Republican primary.  ;-)

Baby Shower #1

I haven't written in weeks.  I started writing two or three other posts and just didn't feel like they were right.  One was about the fact that nothing was happening but I decided that it was too boring to post.  One was a rant about the cost of living these days and how sad it is that two professionals can barely make ends meet but I decided that was too angry and preachy to post.  So I decided to just not post.

I still don't have too much to say, but in this case "no news is good news" really holds true.  The pregnancy has still been going well.  The kiddies are kicking a lot and not letting Chloe sleep soundly.  She's a little tired at the end of the day, but except for that everything seems fine. 

This weekend was the first baby shower which was thrown by my Chicago friends.  The weekend kind of started on Wednesday when my parents arrived from out of town.  Chloe said it was OK for my parents to come to the doctor's appointment and ultrasound.  My dad, who was a doctor before he retired, had seen ultrasounds before.  My mom decided to come in and watch the ultrasound.  We got great news.  Baby A's head is actually down like the doctor had suspected during last week's appointment and at 33 weeks the baby's position probably will not change.  So hopefully we will avoid the dreaded C-word most pregnant women don't want to hear.  We also got to see Baby A and Baby B open and close their mouths.  It was adorable.

On Friday afternoon we decided to open the presents that had been sent to our house.  We got books, blankets, clothes, the car seats and more.  A very generous high school friend of mine (who spent waaaaaay too much and I need to make an shrine to her in the babies' room) sent us several things including the diaper genie, refill bags for the genie and a cute Baby Einstein toy.  We got a baby monitor thanks to Aunt A, Uncle A and our nephews.  Uncle M sent us several things like bath towels and the most adorable plush rocking horse that sings.

Sunday was the big day and my friends (Bethany, Nannette, Alli, Ali, and Jon with the help of Jeff, Abby, my parents, Derek's mom and Jacki and Shelly) threw Derek and me an amazing shower.  So many friends showed up that we needed more chairs than we could find.  If the saying "It takes a village to raise a child" is true I'll be OK because I saw all the support I have from my friends and family.  We got so many wonderful and generous gifts including a Baby Magic Bullet, decals for the walls, bottles, books, blankets, clothes, a boppy and boppy cover, a baby sling and more.  We had the cutest cake and I will hopefully get pictures up soon so you can see it. 

Chloe did come to shower and I want to say thanks to all of the surrogates and IPs who encouraged me to invite her.  It was so nice to have her meet my family and friends.  Chloe brought Derek and me a beautiful gift.  It was a photo frame with three pictures: one was a Baby A ultrasound picture, one was a Baby B ultrasound picture and one was a belly picture.  She also likes to crotchet and made two adorable hats for the baby.  We can't wait for the babies to wear them. 

My hosting friends also made two books.  The first book was for Chloe.  They asked people to bring thank you notes for Chloe.  I didn't get to see the letters because they were personal, but from time to time during the party I saw Chloe flipping through the book and smiling.  I'm sure the letters were wonderful becuase I have friends who are wonderful.

Derek and I also got a scrapbook where everyone could write in parenting tips.  We got advice on feeding, songs, books, play time, nap time, cleaning, rules, equipment and more.  It's nice to have a book of tips to turn to from people we love and trust.  If you have more ideas let me know.  I'll print out the suggestions and put them in the book.

It was a fun weekend and it made me even more excited to meet these two, cute, little babies.  Next weekend we're off to Iowa to do this all over again with a bunch of Derek's friends.

How Car Seats and Poop Affect Me

There isn't much to report and yet I feel like I have so much going on.  I guess I should say that there isn't much going on that is newsworthy.

I called the hospital and took care of some more paperwork.  I have a very nice contact there who has been extremely helpful to the point that I want to find her boss to praise her.  I called a pediatrician's office so that we can have a pediatrician check on the kids when they are born because the pediatrician we picked doesn't have privileges at the hospital where they will be delivered.  I got more money sent off to my escrow account.  Chloe did her gestational diabetes test and it turned out to be negative so that was good news for her and the babies.  I picked up some more hours at work so hopefully I'll make my 1,250 hours and qualify for FMLA.  The registries are set although Derek and I still have to pick cribs and mattresses. 

According to Jewish tradition we're not suppposed to have anything in the house until the babies are born.  A few thousand years ago when people made their own clothing and only breastfed that might have worked fine.  Nowadays I need my binkies, boppies, bottles and blankies the first day the babies come home.  I have been resistant to having too much in the house but at 30 weeks it is time to prepare.

My wonderful cousin, Wendy, bought us the car seats from the registry.  They arrived yesterday and it was exciting and a little scary to bring them into the house.  Yes, we have a couple of other Target packages that were sent to our home, but there's nothing identifying them as having baby stuff.  The car seats are clearly marked.

This may seem melodramatic, but it was kind of a big deal for me.  It was one more moment (a big moment) that makes being a father seem a little more real to me.  There are moments when it still doesn't seem real, but seeing proof every day will help me know that my dream is coming true.

Tomorrow I'm taking my first parenting class.  My friend learned about the different kinds of poop when she took her class.  Poop is my kryptonite.  At work I'll see a festering wound or watch blood spurting out of body parts without batting an eye, but poop makes me want to run out of the room.  I've built up some tolerance since adopting cats.  I have built up more tolerance since moving in with Derek.  No...don't go there; it's not what you think.  Derek has a cat who doesn't cover his rather smelly poops.  I'm sure, though, nothing will prepare me for the first "poo-nami" or "lolla-poop-looza."  I did just take a baby poop test at http://www.babyzone.com/baby/care/diapers-digestion/quiz/baby-poop-iq and got a 26 our of 33 so it says I'm a pro when it comes to poop. 

On a lighter note, it looks like most people think that I'm having a boy and a girl.  We have a few weeks left to guess.  And, if you're up for guessing some specifics, guess their birth weight, length, and date at ExpectNet.com.  The link is on the right side of my blog.  I just changed my vote.  Keep in mind the babies were a lot heavier than average babies at the last ultrasound, they have leg bones that were measured around the 90th percentile and they will be here one way or another by about 38-ish weeks which is March 28th although my OB is on call that weekend so it could be pushed to a few days later.

The Good, The Bad, And The Lovely

The Good News

I went to another appointment on Wednesday with my surrogate and got another ultrasound.  We had Jocelyn who is the technician who prints a million pictures for us -- OK, not a million, but 26.  The babies are growing.  Remember way back when Chloe's uncle used to put his hand on her stomach and say, "Grooooooooow baby"?  Well, it worked.  The babies, according to the fruit tracker, should be the size of a cabbage and two and a half pounds.  They are 3lbs 13oz and 3lbs 14oz.  Yikes!  They're in the 83rd and 84th percentile.  They have plenty of fluid and the low-lying placenta has moved up enough that it is now not an issue.  The only problem is that Baby A has decided to go butt first again.  Hopefully he/she will go head down at the next ultrasound.  We still have about 5 more weeks of twisting and turning to try to avoid a c-section.

The Bad News

I went to H.R. a couple days ago to file for FMLA for when the babies come.  I want my paternity leave and my boss was bugging me to go do the paperwork.  I explained to H.R. that I wanted to take several weeks off and asked what I had to do.  The woman who runs that program checked my hours and said I was probably ineligible.

Excu-sa-wha-huh-come-again???

Yep...that's right.  I work part-time for a hospital.  I work 20 hours a week which comes out to 1,040 hours a year.  In order to qualify for FMLA I have to work at least 1,250 hours in the 12 months preceding my leave.  As luck would have it I am very, very, very close to 1,250 hours because I grab every bit of overtime I can possibly get.  But my broke hospital is clamping down on any overtime so I probably won't be able to get FMLA.

What does that mean?  It means that I can take all my PTO at once IF my supervisor approves many weeks off all at once or I can take Personal Leave of up to 90 days IF my supervisor approves that.  However, neither one of those provides me with job protection and with the money situation I'm hoping my paternity leave doesn't make for a good excuse to make it a permanent leave. 

Gotta love our amazing Congress for making such "family friendly" laws.  Apparently parents who work less than 24 hours a week don't need time off to care for their children.

The Lovely News

Oh, and the other piece of news is that I asked Chloe if she wanted to attend the baby shower and she immediately said yes.  Maybe I'm over-analyzing it, but she seemed excited to come so thanks to everyone who told me that I should invite her.  My lovely friends who are hosting the shower are planning on giving her a book full of thank you notes and one friend mentioned making a basket full of things to pamper her.  I think it will be nice to have her there.

The Grandmothers To Be

Last week the real machatunim met.  Yes, it's true my previous posting used the word machatunim wrong.  There really is no Yiddish word for the mother of the surrogate carrying your baby.  Guess the Yiddish language couldn't keep up with the changin' times.  The machatunim is really the relationship between the parents of the two children who are in the relationship.

The last night we were all together we went out to dinner.  There were seven of us and we were sitting at a long table.  My mother and Derek's mother were at one end across from each other.  I was having my own conversation so I only heard bits and pieces of their conversation, but I loved what I heard.

I know they were talking about having to explain their sons' situation to their friends.  It's something I hadn't thought about too much, but I get that explaining that their gay son is in a relationship with another man and they're asking a stranger to donate eggs and another stranger to carry their babies isn't always the easiest topic to bring up to people in their 60s, 70s or 80s.  Of course they're thrilled to be grandmothers, but at the same time there is a "coming out" process for them too and their joy in telling people becomes more apparent every day.

They talked about how wrong it is for anyone to judge them or their sons.  They have announced to the world that they will be grandmothers.  They are proud of what their children are doing.  (Yes, Mom, I was eavesdropping a little.)

In a world where some families hide, don't talk about, don't talk to, or punish their children for being gay, it's nice to know that we have some pretty awesome mothers -- and fathers too. 

To Invite Or Not To Invite, That Is the Question

I recently read an article asking if the constitution still mattered.  The writer wondered what the constitution would say about Libya, the debt ceiling, Obamacare and immigration.  The gist of the article, if I remember correctly, was that the founding fathers could never predict that we would have fights about universal health care and whether or not to build a huge fence to protect our borders.  In 1787 when the constitution was written (thank you Schoolhouse Rock for teaching me that) issues that we face today were not on anyone's radar.

Well, now I face an issue Miss Manners could never have imagined in her wildest dreams.  As the baby shower approaches, Derek and I wonder if the surrogate should be invited or not.  Is it nice to include her because she is a major part of this process?  Is it hard for a surrogate to see all the baby clothes and toys knowing that she won't get to dress them and play with them?  What would Ann Landers say?  Our friends are planning on making some sort of sentimental gift for Chloe regardless of whether or not she comes.  They're thinking of some sort of collection of letters telling them how grateful they are for what she is doing for Derek and me.  Is that a good idea?

Since a lot of surrogates and IPs read my blog, I'm wondering if anyone has any thoughts, advice, experience with this?  Of course every IP-surrogate relationship is different so we'll have to make a final decision on our own, but I could use a little advice from my online family.