My Wicked Witch of the Womb

A while ago I think I wrote about my nasty nurse Ratched from my fertility center. She has been so curt with me throughout the entire process. I remember asking her to explain a really, really long document about something complex and medical and she turned to me and said, "I emailed you about this a few weeks ago" with a nasty tone of voice. She doesn't seem to get that this process is overwhelming and scary and I don't always remember every detail because taking an egg from a stranger and putting it into the womb of another stranger isn't a daily occurence in my life like it is in hers.

Last week I got an email from Witchy-poo (as I like to call her) telling me that because my donor didn't come to the fertility clinic in January, our March retrieval had to be pushed to May.

WHAT???

WAIT???

WHAT???

I had no idea what was going on. Last I had heard we just needed the donor to sign the contract by Feb. 26th and then all was good. I emailed her that the lawyer had my paperwork and asked if she meant we'd have to do April. I was confused why it would be a two month delay.

The response was "it is way to late" (yes "to," not "too") to do a March cycle so we are probably looking at May.

Yep...totally ignored my questions.

Through a long and complicated process I found out that my lawyer was just as stunned by this news as I was. I swear I wouldn't have missed something that big. And if the donor had to come to Chicago in January why was I hearing nothing about this until Feb. 22nd?!?!? It just doesn't make any sense.

Seriously, folks, I need some good casting for this nurse. Who can play mean? I think, though, she's gotta have a soft moment at some point towards the end of this film. We'll call it "artistic license" if the nurse doesn't ever warm up to me in real life. If we make her the "hard-assed nurse with a heart of gold" type she could definitely be in the running for an Oscar for this film. That type of character always wins awards. Besides, everyone has a heart. Maybe we'll have a scene of her going home and playing with her baby...or adopting a baby...or going through fertility treatment herself. That will melt the audience's hearts. What about Glenn Close? She played Cruella Deville. Or maybe Kathy Bates? She was mean in "Misery." Other ideas?

So now I'm pushed back two months to a May egg retrieval. The one good thing is now the baby won't be born the week of Christmas. No offense to anyone who was born around that time (like my brother) and there clearly are many, many more important things than that when it comes to having a baby, but I think it's hard to be born right around a huge holiday. We'll just hope for an end of February/beginning of March birth. Derek wondered what would happen if the baby was born on February 29th! That means we'd be the parents until the child is 72 years old. Oy vey! But would we be cool parents or the worst parents in the world if we said, "No dating until you're 4 years old"?

Discuss.